At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
MIDGETS
????
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
