My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
