this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
