i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize