She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
