he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
