When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize