Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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