More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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