my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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