Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
