And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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