I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
