you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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