Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
