I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
