2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
