dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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