haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
