The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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