can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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