Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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