I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
