the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
