you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
