I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
