my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
