Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
