Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would fuck him just for his dog
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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