I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
