This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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