Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
