Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
