When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need to get me chipped asap
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
