1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
