if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
