Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I looked at my own cervix.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
