Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
