I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
