the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
