youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
