and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
