i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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