If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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