im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
