i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
