Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
