is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
