Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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