Tell her she can't have a vagina
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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