so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
