He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
