we have officially lost it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
