Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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