This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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