hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
