I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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