i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
