Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize