Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
