Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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