mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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