left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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