you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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