Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
