you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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