Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
