you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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