Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
