Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
