so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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