those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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