If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
