when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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