I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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