The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
