Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
