Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize