I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
