so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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