my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you had me at cake vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
