I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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