that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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