at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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