I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
