I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
