Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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