is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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