OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
