you win again, gameday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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