upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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