Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
