so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
