Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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