On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize