guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
