My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
