I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
