i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
