All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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