***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
