from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize