im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
