i barfeds in our rink
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My ATM looks so different sober.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
