fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
