YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
