bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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