Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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