So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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