see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
