Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
