He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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