im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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