it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
