Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
