the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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