all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
