Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
