Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
