Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
