Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
