I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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